Happy Valentines Day… yes, it’s that time of year where Hallmark’s wonderful advertising makes us all feel that we must pay for overpriced tat to “demonstrate our love”, otherwise we’ll feel guilty… bah humbug.

So, in honour of the day, here’s some alternative Valentine poems.

WARNING – the later ones (after the jump) are somewhat adult… I suggest you don’t read them if you’re easily offended.

roses are #FF0000
violets are #0000FF
all my base
are belong to you

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
In Soviet Russia
Poem writes YOU!

Roses are red

Violet are ace

You know really want me

Sitting on your face

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Your sister gave me Herpes
And now you have it too!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
your mother was pretty,
what happened to you?

roses are red
violets are blue
your sister’s good looking
what happened to you?

I don’t mind your face
you’re kinda nice
but watch your friend Sharon
I slept with her twice.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My ex-girlfriend
Gave better head than you

Roses are red
Sugar is white
Do me again
Like you did me last night

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’d like to fuck,
How about you?

Roses are red,
but sometimes they’re white.
This house better be clean
when I get back tonight.

Roses are grey
violets are grey
i’m fucking colorblind.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
if something smells bad
it’s gotta be you

Roses are red
With a stem that is green.
This card is for you.
You’re finally eighteen.

Roses are red.
The grass is green.
Now let us go
And do something obscene.

roses are red
violets are blue
I’ll rip your clothes off
and f**k the hell out of you

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Guess what? I’ve got herpes
And I gave it to you.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I f**ked your best friend
(she’s crap in bed too).

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Love is a c**t
And I think you are too.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It’s sad that you’re pretty,
With zero IQ :(